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Monday, June 20th, 2005
3:57 pm
Merlin! Guess what arrived by owl this morning? I've been accepted into Healer training at St Mungos! They said they would be delighted to have me on board, is that incredible or what? Grandma is so proud, and I'm sure if Dad realised the full extent of what this means to me, then he'd be just as proud too. Not that he isn't proud, but being a Muggle makes it harder for him to understand I'm so excited.

Oh and James, how's the apartment looking? Grandma told me she's glad I'm taking responsibility so I guess that means as soon as there's a deal, I'm booted out of home. I'll miss it.

Fabian, can we talk?

current mood: accomplished

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Wednesday, June 15th, 2005
5:53 pm
Only two more days. I'm not going to let on that so far it's been a pretty smooth run for me. I studied hard. I deserve to do well.

current mood: anxious

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Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
5:42 pm
Another day closer to the end of Hogwarts. Well, the end of my life at Hogwarts. I know I'm nervous. The N.E.W.Ts are breathing down my neck and I'm beginning to think there is no way I can study everything I need to before the exams. I'm going to have an anxiety attack, or a emotional break-down. Am I being insane?

An end of an era.

[Private] I'm getting restless. It's about time something bad happened, and I know it's going to involve me. [/Private]

current mood: gloomy

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Thursday, May 12th, 2005
11:56 am
Everything is back to rights again.

[Private to Meg, Angelina] We should have a girls night in one of these days. No studying, no boys, just us. Sounds like fun? [/Private to Meg, Angelina]

[Private to Fabian] I love you. [/Private to Fabian]

[Private to Marauders] Right, boys. I've been thinking about this for awhile, I know James mentioned something about it the other night, but isn't it about time that we start up our Advanced DADA group again? It's almost the end of school, I know, but we could always keep meeting once we're 'on the outside' anyway. I'm not sure about you, but just taking DADA as a subject is not enough for me. I want to be protected, and that's why we started it up in the first place, am I right?

Think about it, and get back to me, will you? I don't want to be thrown out of Hogwarts with little way of protecting myself in dire situations. [/Private to Marauders]

I'm on my first study break for the first time since 5th year. Life is good.

current mood: cheerful

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Tuesday, April 26th, 2005
5:26 pm
Some odd things have been happening around here...is it just me, or does Hestia seemed to have disappeared into thin air? Maybe she's holed up in the library but when I went to see her for advice on an essay...she couldn't be found. Odd. Maybe I'm going blind.

[Private] Got into another bit of an unpleasent situation with Angelina the other day, in Charms. James tried to sort us out, but failed. I do feel bad, because I wasn't very tactful and I could of tried harder to reconcile, but I feel worse that James seemed to take it to heart. He seemed pretty unhappy, like he had personally failed because he couldn't resolve this rift between us.

Although Angelina drives me nuts, I don't want her to think that I hate her, or something like that. I sometimes lose my temper in the heat of the moment, and I can be cruel. I'd apologise to her (Merlin forbid, my pride will have to go out the window) but I don't think she wants to talk to me. [/Private]

Another day in the life.

current mood: busy

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Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
12:19 pm - I am SO angry right now.
[Private] I never want to go back to that dorm again. Because it means that Angelina will be there. We had a fight the other day and she was a complete drama queen. She slapped me and called me soemthing along the lines of a boyfriend-stealing whore. I can't remember the exact words but it hardly matters. She crossed the line. It's a miracle the whole school doesnt know every single drama she has in her life because she seems to enjoy annoucing it to anyone who will listen. Does she seriously think that I, of all people, really give a flipping toss?

My life is on the line if I go spilling too much information. My family and friends lives are on the line. Lucius has already proved that he is more than capable of acting on his threats and I just can't risk that anymore. I hate that she has the freedom to express her woe, how ever small an insignificant it is.

Then she goes and slaps me. Was she asking me to hex her from here to the moon? She hasn't been here for over a year and she seems to believe that the world stopped and waited for her to come back. Things have changed, people have changed. I've changed. A great deal, and I know it. Fabian's changed, and she still doesn't seem to accept the fact that at the time it looked as though it was her that screwed him over; she left without a word. What's a 16 year old boy to do? Wait for her to come back?

No, it's decided. I want nothing more to do with her. I won't put aside any more time to stress about it, there are far more important things to deal with than a twitty flirt who'd forget her name unless guys screamed it every time she hopped into another bed.

Oh Marlene, listen to yourself. You're being a wee bit harsh, aren't you? [/Private]

Sometimes I think people are put solely on this planet just to tempt me to hate them. It's a pity I'm lousy at resisting temptation now, isn't it?

current mood: enraged

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Thursday, April 14th, 2005
4:44 pm
[Private] I don't know what's worse right now. The prospect of dying or the prospect of living. Because the latter just looks too terrifying at the moment. I don't have a mother. I don't have a boyfriend (or do I?) and I have one dangerous cousin. There's no denying the fact that my knees shake and my teeth chatter at the very thought of facing him again. And I'm not going to kid myself by avoiding him. One day, my past will catch up on me and all I can do at the moment is run very, very fast. [/Private]

[Private to Fabian] I can't tip-toe around this much longer, Fabian. I'm scared. Really scared. I'm scared that I'm losing you. I had a run-in with Lucius the other night. I was terrified. I don't know what to do. Can I come see you tomorrow morning? Please? I love you. [/Private to Fabian]

I have a strange feeling that I'm slowly going insane.

current mood: crushed

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Tuesday, April 5th, 2005
7:00 pm
[Private] Lucius scares me. He really does. I never know when he's going to appear out of nowhere and I never know what he's going to do when he does. I suppose I should be getting used to it now. Foul words thrown back and forth, maybe a hex or two. Even fists get involved. Recently though, it's different. He seems a little more composed, almost like he knows exactly what I'm about to lash back with and he just smoothes of it in a cool, calm sort of way.

Until his father is brought into it. Personally, I don't really have much of a clue what's going on with Malfoy Senior and the Ministry at the moment. I've heard some rumours but I really don't know. Is it about Mum? Is it about something different? Lucius has always had a raw nerve when it comes to his father. He doesn't even flinch if I hurl at him insults about his mother...

I have to get smarter, or he will defeat me. [/Private]

There is still hope for the future, however bleak and uncertain it is.

current mood: anxious

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Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
7:14 pm
Fabian wants a break. Which means we're having a break. I haven't spoken to him for a few days and I don't think we'll be speaking for awhile if this is hows things are going to go. I know I've been real high-maintenance for Fabian but I hope he'll love me again.

current mood: anxious

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Monday, March 21st, 2005
8:30 pm
I got an owl from Dad and Grandma the other day. They're both doing well; Grandma has a toe infection or something equally as disgusting so I won't go into much detail about that. Everything's falling a bit more into place, now. Dad's gone back to work again full time, and Grandma has given the house a bit of a make-over. I hate to say it, but I feel like she's...erasing Mum. Silly, yeah?

I'm definately thinking about being a nurse at St Mungo's. Grandma approves, but Dad seems a little...I don't know. He seemed a bit strange about it, pretending it sounded great but I know he's holding back. It's so hard not to talk about it in person. I miss him.

Oh, by the way, I love you Fabian.

Happy studying, all.

current mood: chipper

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Sunday, February 20th, 2005
12:31 pm
I'm not sure about anyone else but I've been so bogged down in studying recently that I haven't even had time to think of anything else but school. Ridiculous, isn't it? I'm more than happy for a chance to escape the studies, though, so if you've seen me jogging around the grounds regulary (perhaps more than I should be ;)) you know why. I tell you what, though, I kind of don't want to finish school yet because I'm still on shaky ground as to what to do afterwards. Nursing appeals, but we'll see.

Studies call (again), so I must be off.

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Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
6:45 pm
So I haven't been around that much the past month or so, but may I say it was terribly refreshing and I come back from my abscence stronger than ever with a delicious man back in my grasp. Yes, that's you Fabian. Life is good.

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Tuesday, November 16th, 2004
5:27 pm
Me and Fabian split up. My life is over. It was for the best. So he doesn't get hurt. Life goes on. Or ends.


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Saturday, November 6th, 2004
5:38 pm
I've been a busy girl today.

Owl to FabianCollapse )

Owl to LuciusCollapse )

Owl to CCCollapse )

current mood: sad

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Friday, October 1st, 2004
7:41 pm
It's Mum's birthday this week

I don't feel safe anymore. I mean, N.E.W.Ts and all that. Just scared they're going to sneak up behind you and enclose you before you even have a chance to study for more than two of them and you're going to fail all the other bazillion exams and then you'll never get the job you're hoping for even though you don't even know what job you're hoping for and in there somewhere you have this feeling that the troubles aren't really the exams but something else is happening deep down and you don't really feel like talking to anyone about it because it never helps and it doesn't change the fact that someone's dead and you're in trouble of being dead yourself because you can't stop thinking of how it's all your fault because it is all you fault but no-one will believe that nor will they tell you that because all they want is to make you feel better when all you really need is a reality check but you're scared that the reality check will be too close to the reality that you think is reality andIreallydon'twanttocontinuethissentencebecauseit'stooscaryeventhinkingaboutitanymoreandwhat'sthepointanyway?

current mood: stressed

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
8:10 pm
Hmm. I'm considering dying my hair blonde again. Thoughts, anyone? Fabian, especially, you're the one who has to look at me... I know Grandma would be fully supportive of the idea, she thinks "embracing the family trademark" is a great idea. Blonde hair, the McKinnon and Malfoy trademark? She's right, I suppose.

I'm being drowned in school work. I could never swim very well anyway.

current mood: mellow

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Sunday, September 19th, 2004
4:56 pm
The pressure of the NEWTs is finally getting to me. I studied for three hours last night and I woke up this morning (after four hours of sleep, mind) and couldn't remember a bloody thing. Plus I forgot to do my Transfiguration homework, so I did it in fifteen minutes this morning. I don't even remember what the topic was, let alone what I wrote.

Maybe we should start up a study group?

[Private to James] Speaking of "study" groups, we should really organise another meeting. I'm sick of sitting on my arse and doing nothing. I feel like I'm failing Mum [/Private to James]

[Private] I miss Mum [/Private]

current mood: annoyed

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Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
3:46 pm
I don't think Madame Pomfrey believed me when I told her that I fell down the stairs. But it was worth it. Sure, I look as though Dad's Muggle lawnmower attacked me, but it was worth it. It's all worth it.

One point to me. Bastard.

current mood: satisfied

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Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
5:16 pm
17 years today. How thrillingly disappointing boring. No party thank goodness, I can't handle seeing everyone, but oh well. Next year, right guys? Ha sodding ha. I don't think so. Thankyou for my presents actually I only got presents from my relatives, but the day is still young...right?, cards, etc.

I'll be off, then.

current mood: weird

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Thursday, August 19th, 2004
12:26 pm
It's my birthday on the 25th. Grandma reckons I should throw a party, or something...suggestions? In other words, I don't really want to have a party but if my grandmother thinks I'm avoiding people becasue of what happened to Mum, I'll never hear the end of it. Sigh.

current mood: blah

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